May/June, 1999 Volume XIII Number 6

The Race

Awareness grows ---
God, where am I?
I have a sense of You;
Now, why would I
Have left Your grace?
Why the journey
Through deep space?
Here I cling ---
God, where am I?
Is this ďaliveĒ?
God, hear my cry.
Suddenly, awareness comes.
Iím one of Jesusí
ďLittle onesĒ!
Iím a human child ---
Itís true!
My image here
Looks just like You.

Is this a womb?
My mother dear?
Itís warm and dark
And safe in here.
Iíve a journey
Now to make.
A nine monthsí quest;
My lifeís at stake.
The time is long,
And here I cling.
I want birth more
Than anything!
I do not feel
Sad or neglected.
Though God is far,
I am protected.
I would explore,
But I canít see.
Let me adore
His memory.

I feel a pulsing
In my ears.
Is this momís
Beating heart so near?
Soon Iíll have
My very own,
Built of tissue,
Love, and bone.

What did You
Just say, dear God?
A heart of bone
Is very odd?
Oh, now I know.
Boneís in my legs ---
And arms and head.
Such knowledge begs
To give me time
To know still more.
That is part
Of what lifeís for!
And part of it
Is serving You.
I pledge that I
Will do it, too.
Iíll grow and know
All that there can
Be gathered to
The heart of man.

A month has gone;
I have my heart!
However did I live apart
From knowledge of
Your love so near?
I touch surprise,
And joy, and fear.

Two months gone.
I have my brain.
Ten tiny toes,
But still no name.
Apparently, I have a dad.
Is my mom happy?
Iím sure glad!
God tells me life
Takes one of each.
Such wonder is
Beyond my reach!
Iíve only seven
Months to go.
My growth is rapid ---
That I know.
But I cannot
Yet live apart
From warm, sweet darkness
Near momís heart.

Is this a race?
God, will I win?
To kill me here
Would be a sin.
But Iím so happy
Through and through;
ĎCause dad and mom,
Iíll look like you!

Three months gone,
And what a joy.
Mom, youíve got
A baby boy.
I suck my thumb.
I kick and swim.
Iím in a race
Which I must win.
But I have not
Lived long enough.
To end my voyage
Is too rough
For me outside
To yet survive.
But Iím in here,
And so alive!

Four months gone.
Iím quite a sight.
Will turn out right!
I have my bones
And skin and hair.
One heart and stomach.
Lungs: a pair.
Thereís lots of things
Inside, in place,
To carry me
Through nine monthsí race.
I cannot see
My soul, you know,
But it is such
A love-God-glow.
God and mom
And dad are those
Who gave me hands
And feet and toes
And fingers which
Will one day play
In dirt and mud
And water spray.

Iíve little knees
That I will skin,
And fingernails
That mom must trim.
My arms will clasp
My daddyís neck
As we play horsie
On the deck
Of something
That they call a house.
Iíll own a puppy
And a mouse
And a goldfish
And a frog.
Skip across
A fallen log.
Canít wait to try
The thing called ďplayĒ.
And Iíll eat food
Three times a day.
It will be different
Than food now.
God says to wait,
And Iíll know how.

I put my ear
To my wombís wall.
I hear footsteps
Down a hall.
I hear music.
I hear laugh.
I think my momís
Taking a bath.
Sheís in water.
So am I!
God says thereís water,
Earth, and sky.
When I am born,
Iíll see it all ---
From crawl to toddle,
Walk and fall.

I hear voices
From a screen.
Thatís what dad says,
Although unseen.
My mom likes movies
Of romance.
She and dad
Gave me a chance.
But I hear words
That I donít like.
They scare me
Every time they strike.
Words like ďchoiceĒ
And someoneís ďrightĒ.
They make me shiver
In the night.
There are other
Babes, I know,
Who never make
The journey, though
They all started ---
Just like me. And now ---
Theyíre just a memory.

Five months gone;
Iíve less to fear.
Iím going to win
The race in here!
If my parents
Wanted ďchoiceĒ,
Iíd not be here
Vying for voice.
And so, in silence,
I rejoice!
I breathe the water
I float in.
It cushions me
And lets me swim.
Sometimes I feel the ultrasound.
The scannerís moving all around.
Such funny waves tickle and sweet.
I curl my fingers, kick my feet.
I am healthy; theyíre so glad.
Canít wait to see you,
Mom and dad!
My little soul
Knows joy clear through!
The love of God gave me to you.

Six months gone:
I can survive
Outside the womb,
Remain alive.
But thereís no need
To speed the plan.
Iíll stay and grow
Long as I can.
The bigger I
Am going to be
Will make the trip
Safer for me.
Momís pregnancy is evident.
Dad says her clothes
Look like a tent.
I donít know if
Thatís nice to say,
But mommy laughed,
Then danced away.
Tastes and smells
And food are free.
What mommy does
Comes through to me.

Iíve heard the word ďabortionĒ, too,
But Iím so far along in you
That even though it makes me fear,
I know Iím warm and safe in here.

Iím learning words.
Thatís how I know
That many babies never grow
A full nine months;
Their moms decide.
The race stops short
For them inside
What should have been
The safest place
To start and win
The human race.
The ultrasound touches my wet.
I hear the doctor say, ďNot yet.Ē
I knew I had nothing to fear!
I will win my race in here!

Seven months gone.
Iím quite a sight!
Mom and dad, you both were right.
Iíve curly hair, and bright dark eyes.
Babies come in every size
And shape and color of the skin.
We will improve the world weíre in!
I canít wait to feel momís arms
And melt her heart with baby charms.
Iíll figure how to get my way
And have my diapers changed each day.
When Iím hungry, will I cry!
Get mom to sing a lullaby.
Dad will try to pick me up,
But mom must hold me as I sup.
And I will learn much more of God
As my life blooms on earthly sod.

Eight months gone.
Impatience grows.
Itís cramped in here,
God surely knows!
Mom, do I sense fear in you?
Donít worry; God will see me through.
You made your choice, and I am safe.
Iíve almost run the human race.
I was afraid at times back then
Like all those babes who never win.
Life is precious as can be
When it might be just memory.

Mom, only one month to go.
Youíd never do it now, I know.
Why arenít you buying baby clothes?
You know how fast a baby grows!

Why are we riding in the car?
What hospitalís not very far?
Itís crowded as I stretch my leg.
Mom, why do you seem to beg
This heart of yours to grow so cold?
What are you doing? Iím too old!
If you didnít want me here,
Why is the finish line so near?
Itís wrong at any stage, itís true;
But Iím almost as big as you!!

Daddy, help me! Stop the pain!
I want to stay! You must explain!
I thought you loved me. I donít see
Why youíd prefer a memory
When in one month, I would be there.
Youíd see my body, skin, and hair.
And you would hold me in your arms.
I promise, I wonít use my charms
Hardly at all to get my way.
Youíd change me only once a day.
And I would eat the least I could
And not disturb the neighborhood
At night with baby hungry cries.
Iíd be real quiet, shut my eyes.
Please, oh please, give me a chance.
How could you end this sweet romance
Tween you and God and little me?
Iím better than a memory!

I try my voice; I want to shout.
Hands reach in and pull me out.
I grab for any place to hold,
But slide out on a table cold.

My feet are jerked above my head.
ďHeís perfect,Ē the cruel doctor said.
My cord is clamped; now I must die.
Canít you even tell me why?

No medicine puts me to sleep.
As scalpels cut my skin, blood seeps
Out of arteries and veins
And covers latex gloves with stains.
My body shakes; my small legs kick.
Even demons should be sick
At this cold and heartless rage
Consuming babies at this stage
So close upon the finish line:
Mocking Godís love-gift divine.
Cannulae suck out my brains;
My body now is just remains.
Tissueís sliced around my heart.
So that is why they let me start!

For organ harvest --- transplantation ---
Cruel fetal experimentation.
They grew me for my body parts!
Someone else will get my heart.

My body --- grown for such a mission.
But I did not give my permission!
Iím a human being, too.
Iím a person, just like you!
Other babies soon will breathe
Through my small lungs. I was deceived.
And that is what hurts worst of all.
God grew my life, precious and small,
For people who threw ME away.
Is torture commonplace today?
The life God gave, precious and small,
Was then betrayed. Thatís worst of all.
My soul, flung free, returns to God.
My shell remains upon this sod.
Casually cruel --- this Land,
Which dethrones God and worships man.
America, you threw ME away.
Your brave, new world is here today.

Copyright by Kay Trudell

Abortion is not legal
Martin's Story: a holocaust paradox
Beware of feminist euphemisms
The physician-assisted-killing fallacy
The Race